Here are the best 5 ways I know to do this:
- Find what to say in your favorite topics.
We all have things we
are passionate about: activities, hobbies, projects, goals, ideas or
jobs. Take some time to make a short but relevant list with the things
you are most passionate about, and would make easy conversational topics
for you. Read that list a couple of times and get to know it well.
Then, when you find yourself in a stalling conversation, think about the
list and find a way to maneuver the conversation to one of the topics
on it.
- Ask open ended questions.
One way to keep a conversation going
is to get the other person talking. And the best way to do this is by
addressing her open ended questions. These are questions which require
more than simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers, and offer the possibility of
much richer answers. Question like ‘What do you think of this event?’
instead of ‘Do you like this event?’ These kinds of questions encourage
people to talk and they can be a life saver in stalling conversations.
3. Blurt Often, we find it hard to keep a conversation going
not because we can’t think of anything to say, but because we fear the
other person won’t enjoy that particular subject, fact or opinion we
have in mind. However, most of time, this fear is not anchored in
reality. This is where blurting comes in. Blurting is a conversational
technique which means saying whatever you’re thinking about in that
moment, instead of censoring yourself. Give it a try, and you’ll
discover that people are not that harsh and they can enjoy a lot of
things in a conversation.
4. Let the other person end the silence. Most people are
uncomfortable with silences in a conversation. When one occurs, they
immediately try to fill it by finding something to say. You can use this
to keep a conversation going. When for example, you’ve just met a
person at a party, you’re talking and the conversation is stalling, do
not leave that person and go find the peanuts or something like that.
Instead, hang in there and let the silence work for you. Most of the
time, the other person will eventually pick up the conversation and end
the silence.
5. Practice, practice, practice. I know many people which had
huge problems with keeping conversations going and now, they can do this
even with the most shy or uncooperative person. How did they manage to
get to this point? They’ve practiced. They consciously pushed themselves
out of their comfort zones, to meet new people, to socialize and to
apply techniques like the other 4 mentioned above. Do the same, and
you’ll see the same kind of results with your conversational skills.
Finally, remember that you don’t have to keep a conversation going no
matter what. If you see the person you’re talking to is simply refusing
to participate in the conversation and be sociable, you can end the
conversation politely and go talk to someone else. However, I believe
you have the responsibility to at least try and make a conversation
work. And if you do this well, you will be significantly more able to
make great friends and influence people.
Written on 1/18/2011 by Eduard Ezeanu. Eduard is a communication coach who teaches people
how to start a conversation and other essential people skills. He also writes on his blog,
People Skills Decoded.
